straight boys usually disappoint

On Halloween, I went downtown to a fantastic DJ situation. Only problem was, the frat boys from a local private college were taking up the entire front of the dance floor, ew. And they were...you guessed it, dancing wildly weaker than their daddies' tax evasive movements. There was the arm movement ish and yeah basically nothing. Unfortunately the DJ was enabling this capital offense by letting the boys take pictures with him. Unfortunately, these bland-personalitied children stayed for his whole set. Dressed as a monarch butterfly, I shook my ass harder than my ILIA skin tint SPF 40. This was done in order to push the fratties back, however, my tactics failed. If I'd had a larger army, we would have conquered the dance floor. But alas, the Roman centurion, the Buccees beaver, and the other lame characters persisted. It was not a total loss, I squeezed myself to the front and bumped against frat boy number four as much as possible so as to intimidate him. I was channeling Charli XCX, my baby Angel princess slutty Goddess. Despite the frats, this little brat destroyed in the best way, AND I was filmed and photographed doing my magical moves. Thank you Mom for putting us in dance lessons from the age of 4 to 18. I know I make you proud everyday.

When I left the dance floor and walked outside I was accosted by these two white dudes, one wearing a Breathalizer costume and the other dressed as Soulja Boy. They asked me if I was ok getting home, I replied, Oh yeah I'm fine,

you sure?

Yes I am 100% sober.

I don' t think so you're definitly buzzed or drunk, (pointing to his costume as he said this),

Nah, I'm good.

You should come with us,

I already was dancing for hours. Im tired, so

How old are you?

Twenty-eight (damn shouldn'tve answered that)

Woah you look like you're 20

How old are y'all?

25, 27

Dude this lady saw my costume yelled at me called me a rascist and pulled my hair and kicked me.

Oh dang.

And whats crazy is she was white. Its ironic because I have a lot of Black friends, and they thought my costume was funny.

Alright well y'all have a good night,

Another random dude cuts in: Hey! just wanted to say youre awesome you were dancing your ass off tonight and I wanted to give you this sea shell.

Oh! cute, thanks dude!...Ok bye, Have a good night. stay chill.... (me walking away swiftly to my car)

So that was basically the gist of interaction. And so that was weird, in a lot of ways. (that white dude was REALLY crazy though for saying Oh it's ok because basically all my friends are Black. Like damn does he hear himself?

I should probably say something about Gisele Pelicot, or the young woman who was gang raped by those disgusting fratpigs at Cornell. However everything has already been said. Women are so tired of your BS. We are so goddamn tired of being ignored and blamed and shamed for being the victim of sexual assault, harassment, and rape. At this point I think women need to start an online academy dedicated to the castrating and killing of rapists and pedophiles. All I'm saying is, we need to make men fearful of women. Maybe then they would listen. Ladies, we are damned if we do and damned if we don't, so we might as well use violence as self-defense. OK beautifuls, talk soon, Christine